Ashura’s Dungeon: Combined Review
Combined Review of Ashura’s Dungeon
Date Submitted: October 25
Date Completed: December 1
Design
I promised to remark on first impression and at the moment your website looks very plain. If you’re going to have a splash page, have a reason for it. What I see is “Site Requirements: AOL, FireFox, Opera, or IE. 800 x 600 resolution or higher.” in plain Times New Roman text on a blue background. And that’s… it.
Your site was submitted as Writing and Art Portfolio but there’s nothing indicating that I can enter so I wonder if you meant “rings and cliques page?” I use your requirements - Firefox, 1024×768 resolution - and yet I cannot find any way to enter except by viewing your source and typing the address in manually. We’re off to a bad start, here. I’m not at all impressed.
Once I enter, your layout looks very plain. I’m all for simplicity, mind you, but as this is supposedly a writing site, I’m honestly not sure I’d want to read pages and pages of writing in this format. If you’re going to have long stories (and I haven’t seen them yet, so I don’t know), you should have larger blocks of text. I’m also noticing that there’s no navigation. Perhaps your images are just not working, which makes your website completely inaccessible. Not only can’t visitors enter, but those who might want to go through your site now have to manually type in every single link to get to your content. This isn’t very wonderful at all. Consider text navigation when your images don’t work, or just having text navigation instead of images. Another way to help this problem, if you must have image navigation, is to use alt/title codes in your image tags. For example:
<p><center><a href="Main.html"><img src="Layout/Main.gif" border="0"/></a></center></p>
will become:
<p><center><a href="Main.html"><img src="Layout/Main.gif" border="0" alt="Go Back Home!" title="Go Back Home!" /></a></center></p>
It’s not that difficult to add it throughout your site, and your visitor will magically be able to click your navigation links even when the images don’t work!
And, oh goodness, I didn’t want to approach your coding yet, but it seems I’ve already dived into it. I’m not one to preach web standards; God knows my websites aren’t valid. However, yours is messy, and as your chosen reviewer I feel obligated to say something about it.
First of all, your page and folder names don’t need to be capitalized. This is something that sort of annoys me as someone who likes uniformity, but I realize that in the long run it probably doesn’t matter. Except, of course, when I have to type all your URLs into the address bar in order to access them.
Secondly, you have a lot of unnecessary code. I won’t make comments about the use of tables, even though I do believe tables should be used to hold tabular data… But I realize that some people don’t really want to learn divs or stylesheets and find their basic 1998 HTML learning to suffice for the rest of their lives. There’s nothing wrong with that. Trends come and go. However, your navigation coding alone shows that you’re not taking care to keep your page clean, but it’s present throughout the rest of the page as well. Case in point: Just look at it. Oh my God, so many paragraph breaks and centers and end paragraphs and end centers. Okay, the paragraphs are fine, but the centers? Really? You couldn’t have found a better way to do that? You couldn’t have just done the following?
<center><h4>Navigation</h4>
<p><a href="Main.html"><img src="Layout/Main.gif" border="0" alt="Go Back Home!" title="Go Back Home!" /></a></p>
<p><a href="Writings.html"><img src="Layout/Writing.gif" border="0" alt="Writing" title="Writing" /></a></p>
<p><a href="Art.html"><img src="Layout/Art.gif" border="0" alt="Art" title="Art" /></a></p>
<p><a href="Me.html"><img src="Layout/Me.gif" border="0" alt="Me" title="Me" /></a></p>
<p><a href="You.html"><img src="Layout/You.gif" border="0" alt="You" title="You" /></a></p>
<p><a href="Site.html"><img src="Layout/Site.gif" border="0" alt="Site" title="Site" /></a></p>
<p><a href="Misc.html"><img src="Layout/Misc.gif" border="0" alt="Misc" title="Misc" /></a></p></center>
See how much room that takes up? I’ve even added in the alt/title in image tags for you and it takes up about just as much space on the page as it did before. A good argument: No one sees the code, so why does it matter? Well, it makes it easier on you, it might take away points from reviewers if you have it all cluttered and messy, and web browsers don’t have to sort through so much junk to figure out what’s going on. By the way, your completely imageless page loads really quickly. I’ve banked 0.400s.
Okay, okay, your website loads fine in Internet Explorer. Why, then, is Firefox even a requirement? Doesn’t seem to work at all there. I can now judge you on other aspects of your website. It’s very blue. In fact, so blue that now that the images are there, I can’t even read the text that well. Your color choice is a little overwhelming. I get the theme, and that’s nice and all (by the way, do you have the rights to use that image of Ariel?) but it’s hurting my eyes trying to strain to read your text so despite the fact that I have to manually type the links in Firefox, I’m going to continue looking at the boring, plain website. Yeah, that’s right. I prefer to torture myself by typing in the URLs than try to read any amount of writing on the nice, pretty layout. So… You might want to consider a different text color, or something.
Otherwise, the layout is relatively nice looking. Not much in the way of advanced graphic design, but it’s simple, it looks like the words are under water, it probably looks the way you intended, and it has a cute theme. Except that “the not so dark ocean” is pretty damned dark.
Side notes: Your seashells and fishies are very cute, but the fish on both sides of the navigation links are kind of overkill. Consider putting your tagboard in the sidebar, and only to show up on the Main.html page. It looks awkward at the bottom of your content there, especially next to a blank, slimmer bar in which it would fit fine. However, I wouldn’t at all recommend keeping it on every page.
Alright, let’s move on. I click on the first link - Writings.html - and what I see in Internet Explorer is even more unreadability. I can’t even see these links. In no way am I encouraged to click on them. None of your “Original Works” work in Firefox and I think it’s a little ridiculous to have the lightbox open in Internet Explorer. I hate these things. Any time I see them on photography websites, I leave. Sure it makes your writing more readable but you could easily do that by designing a website with more compatable color use. And, not to be rude or anything, but no one really cares about your fiction if they can’t read it. I totally understand having descriptions of “upcoming” stories or “unfinished” stories that are to-be-finished, but having descriptions of essays and stories that are finished but aren’t clickable? What does that mean to your visitor? What can they do about it if they’re interested?
(By the way, I see that you do Nanowrimo - I do also, so I hope you understand why I couldn’t get your review done during the month of November.)
I do, however, really, really like that you have comments available for each story; however, design-wise, they don’t stand out and don’t look to pretty at the end there. After “Nameless” the comment & trackback links are forced to center on the next line because of the length of your description. I find, however, that this is more appealing and recommend that you force all comments/trackback links to display on the next line by using a line break.
Your art section, again, is useless in Firefox without images. That’s really sad because I really don’t feel like searching for your links in Internet Explorer, dark as they are. (To be fair, I will anyway.) I see that you’re using the horrible lightbox again but at least you have thumbnails. If I were giving out points, you’d totally get 10 points just for those. I’ve clicked on one image, however, to view it full size, and even as I write this sentence I am still waiting for it to load. Not sure if this is because of the size of your images or your website’s loading time, or the stupid lightbox thing itself, but in any case, I have to wait too long for any of your images to load.
The only thing I can say about the design of the rest of the site is what I have already mentioned - your readability is low. I can’t stand to make out what the words say in Internet Explorer, and in Firefox the bar of text is too skinny to be comfortable. If you’re going to have a primarily writing website, it’s going to have to be fat. I would also recommend putting a line break or two at the bottom of every content page; otherwise, your content bar ends immediately after the text ends, and I don’t personally find that to be appealing. If there’s going to be space on the top, there should also be space on the bottom.
Overall impression is this: I’m disappointed. Based on your pixel-art and other art, you seem like a very talented individual. You could do a lot better, and I’m sure you could create a much more visually pleasing layout. Your colors are all very dark and don’t blend well - or let me rephrase that. They blend very well, but they need more contrast. Your coding is cluttered but that’s easily fixable. Find out what causes your website to be unviewable in Firefox and fix that, also. I tried on my laptop as well as my boyfriend’s PC and both times it worked in Internet Explorer but not in Firefox.
Content
My first thought was that I’m very impressed with your use of the language. You use semicolons when they’re appropriate, you don’t use any sort of “netspeak” (except the occasional smiley, but we all do that), and it’s very clear that you take the time to make sure your text is presentable and readable. A+ for great grammar and sentence structure. If I find any errors at all, and I doubt there will be many, I’ll let you know. I’m sure you don’t want them there, either!
Writing
Again, it applies here to tell you that the lightbox thing just doesn’t work out so well. That is, of course, just a personal opinion, but I’d rather see you use your talent with artwork to create a layout in which your writing shines, than to see you have to highlight your writing using a script that some of your visitors may find annoying. Also, I’d like to reiterate that it’s annoying to be presented with a description of a writing that I simply cannot read without emailing you and with the knowledge that you may not want to share. I realize your reasons for keeping your writing hidden, but why give the description at all if you’re not going to even share an excerpt?
I’m a little confused about why your story “Nameless” is labeled Nonfiction. Did you witness the birth of the merchild and then record it for everyone to see? Or are you mixing up your fiction/nonfiction definitions?
I read through your essay “Fictional Creation” and I have to say - that was a good read. I really enjoyed it. I would love to see you write more on your thoughts of creating stories, even outside of school. Your paragraph on what writing is, however, could have been expanded much more - you brought up the point that “it is much more then just a way of talking,” and I would have to agree and disagree. This statement implies that writing is talking, but a lot of other things to; however, I’d have to agree with the “a lot of other things” more than the talking. If you had compared oral tradition - the telling of stories out loud - with written stories - books, digital or otherwise, it may have added so much more detail to your argument. Of course, I know that you’ve already turned in the paper, but it’s something to think about!
There are quite a few grammatical and format errors in this essay and even though it has already been completed as a school assignment, I suggest fixing it for the purposes of the website. The sentence “Also, with how complicated writing is at its core, there is one question in regards to it that is easy to answer: what is a story?” should start a new paragraph. You’ve begun to talk about a different thing - stories, as opposed to writing by itself. Further down: “Even though the title is of great importance, however, a story can go no where without a beginning.” should either be two separate sentences or better tied together. The “however” is out of place, and “nowhere” is one word. And, again, you’ve started on a new topic - beginnings, opposed to titles - so it’s time for a new paragraph. Same goes with talking about the “middle” and the “end.” As their own paragraphs, you could also expand much further on your ideas.
I don’t know if you have included this one as an excerpt but if so I’d be really interested in reading the rest. If not, it seems to end very abruptly. Consider a closing paragraph that brings everything together with the same narrative you used at the beginning of the paper. I am a huge nerd and find myself expanding upon and researching more the papers I wrote in college, even though I have since graduated. I know everyone can’t be as awesome as that (just kidding), but if you have any further interest in the topic of literary theory, I’d be very interested to read some more ideas!
I’m not much for poetry but I do want to say that your poem “True Colors” has a glaring error right off the bat: “You breezed into my lif.”
Side Notes: Your writing seems very original and interesting and from what I’ve seen, you’re pretty good at it too. If you want to draw more visitors to read your works, I suggest adding excerpts to the descriptions and continually adding more writing as you complete it.
Art
On your dolls pages, I would recommend linking to the bases under each doll. Sometimes doll artists will see a doll using a base that they really like and want to get that base. It’d really suck to have to try to figure out which base goes to which doll by clicking on every single base link you have on a certain page. Just a suggestion. Other than that, your pixel work is very impressive.
Again, the character art and other art pages aren’t loading into the lightbox, just as they weren’t earlier. I can’t compliment your artwork (even though I think I want to). From the thumbnails, however, I can see that you really enjoy drawing - there are so many! Not a lot else to say here without being able to see the pictures in full.
Me Section
In your profile, “on line” should be one word. Also, “there are other places I’d prefer more then where I am now” should be than. “Then” is used in relation to time; “than” is used in comparison. I like that you go into detail about Harry Potter and your other interests; it’s so much better than just seeing a list of what someone likes with no explanation (I have this on my website and it needs to change, I know). Now that Nanowrimo is completed, I’m interested to see your little description of experience. It was the first year that I’ve won with little over 51,000 words, and I always like to see what people have to say about how they won. Me? Filler. How about you?
Your original characters section would be a lot more interesting if we could read the stories that contain them; however, I do enjoy the idea of having a profile page for each of your characters. Maybe a compromising solution would be to post an excerpt in which each of those characters plays a big part to illustrate their roles in your stories.
You Section
I suggest that instead of calling the links section “Links,” that you call it “Resources.” What I expected was a list of links to your friends’ websites (connotation of the word “links”) but instead I got instead was a variety of resources that inspire you and help you with your art and writing. Tried to add my button to the plugboard but it didn’t work. I got a “Page Cannot be Found” message. You might want to test that.
I really love that you have Art Commissions and Graphic Requests! It’s rare to see this on websites for original art, and I hope that you aren’t using copywrited images for your visitors to display on their websites. However, now that it’s past November, you can take down those notes that say “as it’s getting closer to November, etc.”
I am also proud to be in the Quilting Bee; however, it’s not necessary to link it in both the “Me” and “You” sections.
The Site
I was wondering about your site title and I’m glad you explained it on the history page. I know exactly what it’s like to get attached to a name even if it seems like it doesn’t fit anymore, but do consider what your site title implies to people who haven’t been there before. I almost expected something really dark and possibly full of dripping-blood graphics.
When you did your credits page, I’m not sure you credited everything. For example, those cute shells and fishes I mentioned - did you make those, or were they pulled from a free pixel site? What about your plugboard and tagboard? Just because the links are right underneath those doesn’t mean someone isn’t going to rather look for them on the credits page. My recommendation is to write down everything you use while you’re creating a layout, and to make your credits page as comprehensive as you can. If not to protect yourself, at least also so your curious visitors can find the things they’re looking for.
I’m also noticing that any image links in your site section are opening as the images alone - no lightboxes or fancy effects. Why isn’t it consistent throughout the site?
There is no reason to have a link to the Miscellaneous page until you put something up there.
Overall, very pleasing content. Your writing and art is original and you’re talented enough with both that I would like to come back and see more added. Though your visitor section doesn’t have a lot to keep people returning, you could definitely gain some loyal visitors if you continually edited and added onto your portfolio.
Comprehensive Reflection
The layout is unique in that you created it to suit your needs, but it’s not visually pleasing or easy to get through. It doesn’t work in Firefox at all even though you listed that as a requirement, and there are some aspects even in Internet Explorer that are annoying. Namely: The lightboxes, the text color against the background, how the links are almost invisible, and the thinness of the content bar. Your coding isn’t clean but easily fixable, and although in its current state it doesn’t change how the layout looks, it will be a lot more convenient to you in the future if you learned just a few more things to brush it up.
There’s nothing wrong with your content that is there; the issue lies in the content that isn’t there. Someone who is interested in reading your writing will be thrown off by the mere “possibility” that you might share it; and although publishers frown upon pre-published works, including a 500-600 word excerpt won’t do as much damage as you believe. Just look at author websites and you’ll see! Your art, from what I can tell, is original and well-done, but with the lightboxes, again, it is not viewable on my laptop or PC. Though some of your visitors may not have any issues, others may have problems viewing as I did. This is something to consider.
Your website is very organized and I can tell you’ve put a lot of work into it. It would only take a few minor changes here and there to make it viewable to more people.
1 December 2007
December 11th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
I apologize for waiting to reply; as I speak I am actually waiting for my teacher to arrive so I can take one of my school finals. It’s hectic here.
Before I start, I must thank you for such a long, well-worded review. It is making me quite confused, as some of what you said has contradicted what I had been told by others. Namely, I am thinking of Light Box when I say this. I do realize this comes down to differences in people, though.
Design: The fact FireFox is having issues with it is throwing me. What version are you using? I will have to check my computer, but I use FireFox and it shows just fine. In fact, looking at it on one of the school computers it loads. A tad slower then normal, but there nonetheless.
I will also add in the alt tags where they are needed. When I created the layout it had originally been text-only when it came to navigation until it was advised that I add images rather then text. I had not thought to add a way to navigate the site if the images broke and/or just did not want to load.
As for there being two fish per link, that is for the reason that it looked strange to me having one. I might try shrinking them down a bit and seeing if it is less overkill that way. I will also see about taking one fish out again, if shrinking doesn’t work.
Writing: Well, it would appear I made a mistake with “Nameless” I most likely had typed it out in another window and pasted it under the wrong category accidentally. I’ll go about fixing that when I update the site.
Those are all excerpts. I do, for the most part, have the finished (or near finished) pieces on my computer and disks, but am wary of posting the full thing on my website for multiple reasons. It is only recently I started posting the excerpts, and I am going through everything trying to do some tweaking before adding them. I have the idea that eventually that page will have all the excerpts rather then just titles and descriptions.
When I go about finally making a new layout for the site, I will take everything in consideration. It was only after this one was made that I started posting my writings, which is the main reason for using Light Box for them. I’m hoping to make my next layout’s content box wider to fit the work.
Art: I’ll look into that, because for the most part those work for me too. When I remake the site again, I’ll either ditch Light Box, or I’ll find out the reason it is being a spaz on certain computers.
Me Section: I’ll fix all of those, thanks. In regards to NaNoWriMo, I actually can’t add onto that section this year, due to the fact that school ended up taking over and pushed NaNo out. I hope to go into more detail about the others years though.
The character section is another area that is under serious work. I hadn’t considered added parts of their story into their profiles, though I had considered adding images for them. I’ll think about that.
You Section: I’ll change that. “Resources” would be a better name for it.
I actually had not had many requests, so I couldn’t tell you! I only have had one so far, and have not been able to fill it yet. Again, time has been lacking.
Site: That’s why I’m considering other names, but none have been jumping out at me like Ashura’s Dungeon did and still is. Usually it does have a darker layout, and it probably will again.
As for the inconsistency, that’s due to the fact that I’m thinking over how to deal with the images in the Site section before I do anything major to them, such as adding Light Box or any other code to it.
When I get to fixing the current layout, or adding a new one, I will be taking that page down. There really has been no need for it, and I am just wasting space and time having it there.
Now, for the coding. I realize the coding is…well, shit if you want to be blunt. This is one of the first layouts that I have done that I am actively experimenting with coding, so I am still learning the yay’s, nay’s, and maybes of HTML and other sorts of coding.
I will, once I get to working on it, take everything you said into consideration. :) Thank you very much.
December 11th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Ashura, I use Firefox 2.0.0.6. I double-checked to be sure I wasn’t unintentionally blocking any of your images - and I wasn’t. I am not sure why they don’t show; the only thing I can possibly think of is that perhaps my browser won’t read the capital-letter filenames. Your code doesn’t indicate that the problem is incorrect coding - theoretically, what you have written should work on all browsers! I may just be an anomaly.